


The Family I Want

by ForLove



Series: The Family We Choose [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Daddy Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Feels, Halloween, Kids, M/M, Miscarriage, papa cas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 20:45:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5105144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForLove/pseuds/ForLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Halloween is a busy time for Dean and his family. A school festival and a family get together with Jody and her daughter has Dean lamenting about how quickly the girls are growing up. Sam and Jess deal with the emotional aftermath of a miscarriage as they unload on Dean and Cas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Family I Want

**Author's Note:**

> Emma and Claire are fraternal twins Dean and Cas adopted as infants. They are now 5 years old.
> 
> There's no need to read the previous fics in this series to read this one. You can read them together or as stand alone stories.
> 
> Thanks so much to museaway for taking a look at this before I subjected others to it.

_Friday, October 30_

“Hey, uh.” Dean looks at the clock. “I gotta leave now to get there in time.”

“Fine, slacker. Go be with your family.” Benny grins. “See ya Monday.”

Dean quickly stuffs some papers into a drawer, no use bringing them home—not this weekend at least. He grabs a reusable grocery bag by his desk as he moves to the door.“Tell Zach that—”

“I know, I know. The Poulsen project can wait. Go.” 

“Thanks, man.” Dean beams on his way out of the architectural office.

**

“Daddy!” Claire and Emma call in stereo.

“Hey! There’s my girls.” Dean kneels to hug them both, slinging the reusable bag out of the way. “Where’s Papa?”

“He’s helping Mr. Fitz,” Claire informs Dean seriously. “There’s a boy, Fergus, who can’t play.”

Emma pipes up, “He was bad. So he got his card on red. I’m still on green!”

“I hope both of you are.”

“Claire’s on yellow,” Emma is eager to state.

“I’m not bad!” Claire’s eyes well with tears. “Fergus was making fun of me—”

“She wrote on his paper.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Dean holds a red-eyed Claire. “It’s not fun dealing with mean people.”

“I’m not bad,” Claire croaks.

“No you’re not, baby. It’s just not good to act out like that, even if the person is a little jerk.” 

Dean strokes the back of Claire’s head as she sniffles, “Okay.”

When Dean stands up, Cas is back inside the classroom. 

“She tell you about Fergus?” Cas’s voice is low so the other parents don’t hear.

“Just said he was making fun of her.” 

Cas nods his head in a way that tells Dean that there’s more to the story.

“Excuse me,” Mr. Fitzgerald’s sing-song voice asks for attention. “Thank you for helping us setup the Fall Festival. Now if you’d like to go out into the kindergarten playground, I believe we’re all ready. Parents, if your child would like to change into their costume feel free to take them to the restroom just down the hallway.”

“Daddy?” Emma looks up.

“Yes, sweetheart, I brought your things.”

Dean and Cas walk with the girls so they can go change. Claire is still sniffling and holding onto Dean’s hand tightly. When they get to the restroom he kneels down and doles out their costumes. 

Once the girls are out of earshot, Cas turns to Dean in a low voice. “Apparently Claire has a crush on one of the girls in class, and from what I heard I think Fergus is jealous.”

“Oh god, they can’t wait until high school for this? We just started school.” Dean’s only half joking. He really thought he had a few more years before this sort of drama began.

Cas opens his mouth to respond but the girls emerge from the restroom dressed in their costumes. 

“Emma, you make the most wonderful spider-ninja! And Claire, you are the loveliest cat-princess I have ever seen.”

Dean smiles at his husband’s words. Crazy though they are, they warm his heart. 

The girls lead the way through the classrooms, to the playground and the bustling festival. Claire happily follows her sister and starts at a face painting booth.

“Can I have a spider?” Emma asks the face painter after looking at a poster of choices. Claire examines the poster as her sister is painted.

“Um, can I have...uh.” Claire continues to look at the poster with Cas-like squinty eyes.

“Sweetheart, there’s a cat face.” Dean points out the nose and whiskers. “It’d go with your ears and tail.”

Claire adjusts her tiara. “Can I have a butterfly?” she asks the lady behind the table. 

“Sure thing,” the parent volunteer smiles, “Now you’re a butterfly-cat-princess.”

“Yeah!” Claire beams.

Staying just a step behind, Dean and Cas follow their girls to each booth. Cas takes his phone out and snaps a photo as Dean and Emma try to toss ping pong balls into fish bowls. Dean is a little relieved they don’t win a fish. When Claire wins a butterfly ring after tossing a bean bag into a hoop, she’s ecstatic.

“Papa, look!” Claire holds the ring too close to Cas’s face for him to properly see. “Can I give this to Alex?”

“Of course you can.” 

Claire bounces over to Alex and her mother, Jody. Dean and Cas watch from a short distance as Emma tries another game. Claire gives Alex her ring and receives something in return.

“Is that who?” Dean whispers to Cas.

“Apparently.”

“They’ve known each other since they couldn’t walk.” Dean’s a little stunned. “I hope this doesn’t end badly.”

“Mr. Fitz informs me that it’s very common for students to have crushes and remain amicable after.”

“I hope so.” Dean swallows, “They’re too young for this.”

“Apparently not.”

Claire skips back to her fathers after giving Alex a hug. “Papa, Daddy! Look what Alex gave me.” She holds a little plastic cat.

“That’s great, sweetheart.” Dean smiles while his heart sinks. Maybe Claire’s ready for this, but he’s sure not.

Jody wanders over as Alex joins Claire and Emma at a game. The girls toss hoops onto standing bowling pins. When Dean greets Jody, he notices Alex’s costume.

“Cute butterfly you got there.” Dean smirks thinking about Claire’s face paint.

“Thanks. You guys have a ninja and a…”

“Spider-ninja and a butterfly-cat-princess.” Dean informs her.

“Well of course.” Jody smiles. “So I’m not ready for all this.” She points to their girls.

“Neither am I.” Dean commiserates. “Apparently Mr. Fitz says this is all normal.”

“That’s correct,” Cas reiterates. “It’s quite common for elementary school crushes to remain friends.”

“Well they better.” Jody crosses her arms. “I don’t wanna quit having barbecues.”

“Oh yeah! No way!” Dean’s eyes widen.

“Relax,” Cas admonishes Dean and Jody. “They’re _five_. And they’re kind girls. Even if this isn’t the romance that lasts a lifetime, I think they’ll be okay.”

Dean snorts, “Yeah, okay. When you put it like that.”

“Good lord, I’m tired. And we still have Halloween tomorrow,” Jody laments with a drowsy smile.

 

_Saturday, October 31_

Dean scrambles eggs with half-lidded eyes, complaining to Cas, “I thought they woulda slept longer considering how they crashed from all the excitement yesterday.”

Cas hands Dean a mug of coffee. “I imagine they’ll be more exhausted tomorrow.”

“I’ll be more exhausted tomorrow.” Dean takes a sip of the coffee. “Thanks.”

“Daddy, I’m hungry.” Claire flies into the kitchen.

“Almost done, sweetheart,” Dean answers with his focus on the stove.

“Claire, you need to put regular clothes on for now.” Dean can hear a frown in Cas’s voice and peeks over his shoulder to see Claire dressed in the black cat outfit with her tiara and trick-or-treating bucket in hand.

“Oh, okay. But can I put my tiara on?”

“Yes, sweetheart.” Cas’s warm voice makes Dean’s heart squeeze.

“Where’s the spider-ninja?” Dean asks over his shoulder.

“Building something in the living room with her blocks.”

“That’s my girl. She’s gonna be an architect like her dad.” Dean beams.

Cas hugs Dean from behind as Dean keeps an eye on hash browns. “She’ll be whatever she wants, and it’ll be wonderful.”

“Yeah.” Dean puts a hand over one of Cas’s. “Except I think she wants to be an architect.”

Cas snorts a laugh and tilts his forehead into the back of Dean’s neck. “You’re incorrigible.”

**

In the late afternoon, Dean spreads out newspaper on the kitchen table while Cas gets bowls and his pumpkin carving kit.

“I can’t believe you have that,” Dean snorts.

“These are much more efficient at carving than those large knives, Dean.”

Claire sits back in a chair watching them get ready. Her eyes are large when she sees Dean’s long kitchen knife. Emma is thrilled at the prospect of seeing the pumpkins cut open and a grin is plastered across her face.

“This is a proper carving knife Cas.” Dean holds up the knife with a blade the length of his forearm.

“A smaller serrated edge requires less brute force.”

As Dean and Cas begin to cut the tops of their pumpkins open, the girls continue to watch silently. It’s not until Cas opens his pumpkin first that they begin to speak.

“Papa, can I help?” Emma asks.

“Of course.” Cas pulls her chair closer and rolls up her sleeve. “We need to separate the seeds from the fruit.” He demonstrates by putting a few seeds into a nearby bowl. Emma nods and sticks her whole arm inside the pumpkin.

“Fruit?” Dean comments, trying to not look tried by the work his knife is forcing him to do.

“Pumpkins are fruit. They have seeds on the inside.” 

“Oh.” Dean is slightly confused, but then turns his focus again to trying to cut open his pumpkin.

“It’s slimy!” Emma exclaims with glee.

“Claire, do you want to try?” Cas offers, but she just shakes her head.

“You should, Claire. It’s gooey and so cool inside!” Emma giggles.

Dean cuts into the pumpkin are slow and jagged. He clears his throat. “Uh, Cas.”

Cas passes a pumpkin carving knife without comment.

“Thanks,” Dean breathes.

“Daddy, have you carved a lot of pumpkins?” Claire asks from her seat. Dean notices Cas stiffen as he waits for a response.

“A few, sweetheart,” Dean answers. “But it’s never as good as Papa. He’s the champion of carving.”

An hour later Cas has his pumpkin carved and the girls are helping to oil and season the seeds for baking. Dean is almost done, but has a few more cuts to make as the doorbell rings.

“Dean, can you grab that?” Cas asks with tray of pumpkin seeds in hand while opening a hot oven.

“Kinda busy here.” Dean doesn’t look up from making his last cut.

Cas sighs, puts the tray in the oven, then goes to the front door. Dean is two steps behind him when Cas greets Sam and Jess. The jovial family hello is punctuated by hugs for each of the twins. The girls go play in the living room as the adults migrate into the kitchen. When he closes the front door, Dean gets a look from Sam that’s unsettling, like something’s wrong and he wants to _talk_. Dean breaks eye contact as he goes to clear the table.

“Dean, can you move your pumpkin?” Cas asks with his back turned while he prepares some treats.

“Already did.” Dean’s proud of himself for anticipating.

“Nice carving.” Sam smirks looking at the crookedly cut top.

“I’d like to see you do better,” Dean retorts, admiring his pumpkin next to Cas’s on the end table by the door.

“Sam’s lid fell inside the pumpkin,” Jess offers, earning an unhappy snort from Sam. “But he can make some nice triangle eyes, even if they’re different sizes.”

“Thanks, babe.” Sam runs a hand through his hair. Something is definitely wrong. Usually when Sam and Jess are snarky, they earn a kiss from the other. Dean notices they’re even sitting further apart than usual.

“Did you get apples?” Cas inquires as he sets a tray of deviled eggs on the table. Each egg has a spider made out of halved black olives for bodies and slices of olives for legs.

“Was I supposed to?” Dean takes an egg and pops the whole thing in his mouth. Once it’s in he realizes the bite is slightly too large, but he chews trying not to let the others know of his mistake.

“I hoped you would, since I had to take the girls to school then go to work yesterday before the fair.” Cas sets down a plate of pizza bites and a dish of carrots with ranch dressing.

Dean struggles to chew and swallow the egg before answering, “Yeah but I had to leave earlier than that and I went right to the fair.” Dean pauses, feeling like he needs to demonstrate some good husband points. “But I did remember to bring their costumes.”

Cas grunts in response.

When the doorbell rings again, Dean gets up to answer so he can escape the growing discord in the kitchen.

“Hey, stranger!” Jody grins as she walks in with Alex.

With excited chatter, Claire and Emma quickly join them in the entryway. As their girls hug, Dean and Jody give each other a look of _is this really happening_. The girls pull Alex into the living room and Jody follows Dean to the kitchen.

“Hi, everybody!” Jody waves.

“Hey, Jody,” Sam gets up to hug his longtime friend.

Jess waves from the counter as she slices bananas.

“Cas, are you baking again?” Jody takes in a deep breath.

“Yes. I thought it’d be nice to have festive cookies.” 

“You know they are just going to go out and get loads of candy tonight, right?” Jody jokes.

Cas shrugs. “I enjoy baking.”

“You don’t get enough of that at your coffee shop? The accountant-baker.” Jody smiles. “That’s fantastic.”

“No odder than a sheriff-brewer,” Cas offers.

“Suppose not.”

“Yeah, uh speaking of—” Dean looks at Jody expectantly.

“Yes, Dean, I brought some pear cider. It’s in the car.”

“Awesome.”

Dinner is peppered with conversation, mostly Jody and Cas swapping recipes. After, Dean offers to get the girls ready so he can leave the room. Cas seems more upset with him and he’s not sure why.

Once all three girls have their costumes—tiara situated, spider pin attached and butterfly wings on—Jody takes photos of them giggling together.

“So who’s going to show us around the neighborhood?” Jody asks, looking between Dean and Cas.

Sam volunteers, “Dean and I will.” 

Dean had hoped he could stay home and clean up for Cas. That usually smoothes the way between them. 

“Have fun!” Jess calls as they exit.

Cas has a look that hurts Dean’s heart. While the small party goes outside, Dean hugs Cas good-bye and whispers, “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Cas whispers back. “Just been thinking.”

“That’s never good.” Dean squeezes Cas tightly.

“You better go.” Cas disengages the hug.

Sam is waiting for Dean outside, while Jody watches the girls bound up the neighbor's driveway. There’s a chorus of “Trick-or-treat!” as Dean reaches his brother.

“Okay, spill it.” Dean slowly walks with Sam in Jody’s direction.

“It’s been over a month and Jess won’t touch me.” Sam’s voice is pained.

Dean would normally crack a joke here, but he would rather not make his brother cry. “What’s going on?”

“She got a clean bill of health from the doctor after the miscarriage and now she hardly looks at me. I mean she doesn’t even want to hug me, Dean.”

“Shit.”

“I think she’s planning on leaving me.”

Jody looks back at them, then to follows the girls to the next house.

“I think Jess got the idea that I don’t want kids.”

“That’s crazy. You do, don’t you?”

“I thought I did.” Sam helplessly gestures with his arms. “But I can’t watch her go through that again. And—”

Dean looks at Sam until he continues.

“I started to wonder if I want kids or do I only want kids because I _think_ I’m supposed to have kids? You know, that’s how we were raised. You grow up, get married, have kids, go to work everyday…” Sam’s voice trails off.

“And you’re starting to think that you don’t actually want a family.”

“I mean, I love your girls. But I love being the uncle who gets to go home and not feel guilty for working too many hours.”

“Yeah speaking of, that douche Gabriel ever going to make you partner?”

“He’s not that bad. And yeah, looks like. I’ll get my name on the wall in lobby and everything.”

“Awesome.” Dean pauses, watching his girls thank a neighbor for candy. “I’m not saying being a lawyer and a parent is impossible, but the way you work it’d have to change. A lot.”

“I know, and sue me I don’t want to give that up.”

“Does Jess know any of this?”

“We haven’t been talking much.”

“Daddy!” Claire calls, diverting Dean’s attention from his brother.

Dean jogs a couple yards to where the girls are standing with Jody. “What’s up, sweetheart?”

“Daddy, I’m getting cold.” 

“I offered to take them back,” Jody informs Dean.

“Oh it’s no problem. I’ll go get her a jacket and meet you at the next house.”

“Thanks, Daddy!” Clare hugs Dean’s legs then skips down the sidewalk with Alex and Emma on either side of her.

Dean gives Sam a look before he leaves and Sam nods assuring him that he’s okay.

The porch lights are on and Jess and Cas are sitting in chairs outside on the little lawn with a large bowl of candy between them. It looks like they’ve eaten more than they’ve given away.

“Just grabbing Claire’s jacket.” Dean tells them and retreats into the darkened house leaving the front door ajar. He finds the small coat quickly and heads back to the door. Before he exits Dean hears Jess talking and pauses.

“The thing is, I don’t know if I even want kids.” She sounds tipsy. They must have been drinking more of Jody’s hard cider. “I thought I did. But I like my life the way it is, I mean I did. Before Sam stopped touching me. It’s like he thinks I’m going to break.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“I don’t know how, Cas. What if he leaves me?” Dean hears Jess pop another chocolate in her mouth. “I thought I wanted kids. But, I don’t know anymore. Right now I don’t even want to think about getting pregnant again. I just want to be _me_ and that makes me feel guilty.”

Dean clears his throat to let them know he’s exiting the house. He’s not sure if he should look at them or if he’s supposed to give them their privacy. He opts for a quick wave as he walks by.

“You got a good one there, Cas,” Jess comments while digging into the candy bowl.

Dean doesn’t hear Cas’s response as he speeds away down the street with his daughter’s jacket.

“Here you go, baby.” Dean helps Claire into her sleeves. She hugs him, then bounces off to join Alex and Emma at the next house. Turning to Sam, Dean continues their earlier conversation. “You gotta go talk with Jess. Maybe not tonight, but just go hug her, man.”

“But—”

“No. Don’t act like me. I know nothing when it comes to this sh—” Dean looks at the girls coming down the driveway and quickly changes his wording. “Stuff. You’re the one who always says you gotta talk about _stuff_ , so follow your own advice.”

Sam gently smiles. “Dean, you know more than you let on. You’ve got a great relationship with Cas and a wonderful family.”

Dean sniffs. “Yeah, maybe. But it’s mostly Cas. I just got lucky.” His throat tightens worrying over what Cas has been thinking about.

“We ready to go home now?” Jody asks the girls.

“One more house, Mama, please?” Alex pleads with the cheers of the other two girls.

“Okay, last one.”

Dean watches the girls walk up the last driveway. “You sure you want to have them sleep over tonight?”

“Yeah, it’s a great night for it. They’ll be out by nine with all of this sugar.”

“Alright, it’s your funeral.” Dean smirks.

The walk back to the house is less animated than the journey out, and Dean thinks Jody must be right. The girls aren’t going to last much longer. With each step his anxiety about what’s bothering Cas grows, and he wonders if Cas has been drinking like Jess.

The front lawn is vacant when they arrive home. Cas and Jess are in the kitchen snacking on cookies and baked pumpkin seeds. Sam quietly walks in and places a hand on Jess’s shoulder. Dean can see her face crumple as she stands and wraps her arms around Sam.

“We’ll see you guys later,” Sam quietly tells the room while gently guiding his wife out to their car.

Jody is engaged in the living room with the girls showing off their buildings as Dean packs an overnight bag. He hands it to Jody. 

“You’re sure? We can do this another night.”

“Don’t question me, Winchester. It’s fine. Have a good night. We’re going to go watch _The Great Pumpkin_ and gorge ourselves on candy, right, girls?” They squeal in delight while Dean tries not to be horrified at the amount of sugar they’ll be consuming. The thought makes him smile because it’s a Cas thought.

“You’ll check—” Dean begins but doesn’t want to scare the girls.

“Dude, this isn’t my first rodeo. Yes, I’ll check the loot. And—” she lowers her voice, “I really plan on taking it all, and just giving them the stuff I bought.”

Dean breathes easier. “Thanks, Jody.”

“My pleasure. See you tomorrow for lunch.” Jody herds the girls out the front door.

“We’ll be making macaroni.”

“Sounds great. Tell that wonderful husband of yours I said goodbye.” Jody takes the girls’ trick-or-treating buckets and places them in the trunk with the overnight bag. Dean helps get everyone situated in the car then waves as they drive away.

He’s left standing on the front porch with a knot in his stomach wondering what waits for him inside.

Cas is at the kitchen table with his face in his hands. Dean sits down next to him. “You gonna tell me what you’ve been thinking about?”

The reddened eyes that meet Dean startle him. “You used to carve pumpkins with Lisa and Ben.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?” Dean’s confused.

“You could have had-” Cas covers his eyes with one hand then pinches the bridge of his nose, “I know how much you wanted your own child.”

Dean’s still not following. “We have a family.”

“No, I mean. One of your own. Genetically.”

“Babe, that’s what this is about?” Dean threads his fingers into Cas’s hair.

Cas shrugs. “It’s something we can’t have, while—”

“While Sam and Jess don’t want it. Or, don’t know _what_ they want.” Cas tilts his head in question so Dean elaborates, “Sam talked to me tonight, and I overheard Jess talking to you.” Placing hands on the sides of Cas’s face Dean leans forward and gently connects their lips, then tilts his head so their foreheads touch, “Cas, you and me and the girls...I have the family I want.”


End file.
